terribly toothy smile.....

FAheem and me..looking at....lord knows...

Faheem turned 3 on the 25th of this month.

Can't believe how time flies...Faheem is longer a baby at the age of three...but he is for me..he will always be a baby for me,even when he turns 60 and i am still around..

I remember the day he was born..like it was yesterday..i remember the day before he was born only to well...as i was so angry with the doctor for not taking heed of my complaints when my water broke.It was the first fast ,during the ramadhan,and he did't want to attend to me.I was in the hospital bed tossing, praying and hoping that my baby was ok in there...i remember feeling sorry for my mum,coz she waited then patiently and didn't sleep a wink.Then the next morning i remember shouting at my doctor who was unwilling to do an ultrasound to see if Faheem was ok,and when he finally did,(thank God),he saw there was hardly any water left....i don't want to remember that day..but i do...It was the grace of ALLAH that your child is alive said one of the doctors...yes ...i said..it is

As time passed,Faheem grew up to be such a cute fat baby...but the crying...it just won't stop.When he use to cry for God knows what ever reason..i use to cry along with him...because i was always rendered helpless.Through the years,i noticed that there was something different in my son.He wouln't smile as much,he developed his rough motor skills later than normal.Everyone..even the doctor blamed it on the weight...faheem was such a fat baby.oh well i thought ,if the doctors and the old ones say so...then i suppose it should be ok.Then there was the flapping..seemed so odd but cute at the same time...little did i know.....

When the diagnosis came in ...i suddenly felt that this is not my Faheem anymore....i jst suddenly couldn't believe that my son had Autism.I felt that my beautiful lil angel had been taken way from me.i use to be afraid to even look at him let alone deal with the problem.Who was this child sleeping next to me.I use to cry every night,and wonder what I did to deserve this?Y me?????????Why didn't i not see it coming?I couldn't think.I felt like abandoning life .....I had fallen into deep depression at that time...all that time feeling guilty for thinking this way.Suddenly all the plans i had made for the future as a family was destroyed.

These thought went on for more then a month.During that time,an uncle of mine gave me number a his friend..whose son had autism and doing well.I thank God to this day that i did give him a call.An hours coversation with him made me see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

My friend..and truely is my friend Haryanto,told me how natural it was to be depressed..his wife and him felt the same way...but he realized if he didn't take matters in his own hands ,his son will never improve,So he gave up his job and decided to take care of him...be his son's therapists,father,friend..anything his son wanted him to be.....now his son is 7 yrs old ..and thriving.He is going to a mainstream school."My son is ok..n yours will be fine too...u just need to understand him..and explain things to him more ..more than u would to normal children,tell him why its not good to head bang,tell him why he shouldn't put his hand in the fire..make him feel it...give your son a new experience everytime..."he said"u think that he doesn't understand..but he does..he is taking it all in....then leave everything else to God...do your homework...and let Him handle the rest"

Suddenly ,my perspective changed...that one phone call changed everything..i can do this. i thought to myself...do your homework and leave everything to God...i can do this..i enrolled Faheem in therapy,hiking horseriding,swimming...u name it...did floortime at home,did ABA,SI..speech,..i was running on a sprinter race and getting exhausted...and so was my poor Faheem as he lost more weight ,and looked ever so forlorn ..No ,i was not doing things right....I realized,painfully, i just cannot cure Faheem from autism ...there is not cure...it not a disease which has any medicines for it...It is what he is...and i just have to take him like he is...

Now...Faheem and me are pretty much on a marathon race.i running at Faheem pace....at the moment...and the results are showing,from pointing,laughing,and just enjoying himself with his loved ones..we still do all the therapies but i have slowed down in many ways..i don't involve to many activities in one day...floortime is on going of course.....Honestly ,there are times when i wish he was more NT...but like i said ..i should except him for the way he is...but can the world except him......what will happen to him when one fine day his loved ones are not around to look after him..will he be able to take care of himself?????the future haunts me,,,,,i was asked my father about having a trust fund for the disabled..and my father laughed...."not now worry puss...keep your silly thought at bay".Faheem will come out of this,have faith"....yes i have to.

Faheem and i had a lovely time today.It has been three weeks since our first hike,aftr the fasting month.

The hike was accidental, of course.The family was invited to pre-wedding party,which was pretty much unattended by the both of since.Faheem decided to go for a hike .So ther i went with my high heels and party clothes.Its a good thing i picked up running in my heels in my uni days,when i use to ALWAYS be late for my classes..lol.Still i had to keep up with him.We passed high terrains,river...the view was breathtaking,we both enjoyed it,while(u wouldn't believe)singing andrea bocelli..and insisted i keep singing the tunes to his songs.We returned to the party exhausted.Of course by that time everything was over.I told the other kids to settle down with him while we played together with origami paper.He didn't cry aTHIS time with children around him .Yippppeeeeeeeeee!!!!.He was at ease.Later on i told him to give sweets to everyone which he right fully did.I am so proud of him today.;))))))))))).