What an eventful month...Faheem started school.I have opted for mainstream.He is on a month probationary period.I do not why he is on probationary period,as this school accepts at least one autistic child in a class...nevertheless,i won't argue with them....I will play along

How is Faheem doing in class???well..once the teacher enters and begins to introduce some study material..he will start to stim.He will keep telling me "Mooma buka pintu,kita go".(mooma open the doo,we go).But i insist on staying.Finally he settles down,but will refuse to do any activity...its ok...one step at a time...this is a form of therapy...he will have to learn to settle in any situation.But the positive thing about it is he knows the names of the children in the class...and when i asked him what the teacher was talking about ..he answered...burung(birds)...while i was buying his uniform(so unnecessary at the moment..but since f insisted..as he likes the school logo BONA on it ..so oh well)he started to sing rolly polly...

Thats a start isn't it???:)))))

Honestly speaking,i am as nervous as he is when i am with him in the class.As much as i don't want to admit that the stares from the mothers don't bother me...they do.F's therapists are so confident that F will blend in..then i should...

Yes,i shouldn't let stares and comments bother me...

F started occupational therapy as well.The therapists Eka,

told me needs to work on his fine motor skills that he is lacking terribly.

But there is one thing that confuses me..she said he can talk but there is absolutely no two way communication...

No interest in any sort of play(hmmm!)

Odd pretend play which does not make sense

His perception in recognizing objects has not reaches its optimum stage(huh?)

He can't begin play and once he has started to play he can't stop...that too the way he plays is not how it is suppose to be..

F is not autistic(really????)

All this she concluded in an hour of observation..of which much time was spent on cleaning f vomit...(he puked all over the place ,poor thing),and cleaning f poop and after which he pee-ed...it was definately not a good day for the three of us .

By that time i didn't want to argue.I know she is not entirely wrong.There are only a limit amount of things F is interested in ..like transportation for example..loves all his motor bikes and cars trucks etc....

As for the pretend play..i think it has become better...but still it is not up to par for a three year old

Two way communication...OF COURSE there is a 2 way communication...infact after his second visit to Eka he could tell me what he did...But he still can't tell me each and every detail..he will when the time come m,as he learns more vocabulary .

I didn't say anything..i just listened and nodded.I am sure f will surprise her with his ingenuity as he has done with other therapists and me...I know it has been a tough job for the therapists to teach him..to woo him to them..in time they will see he is smart,it is just a matter of getting to know to how beautiful he is...Faheem ..you will always be beautiful in my eyes..Ya Allah help me bring out the best in him

As for the last thing...he is not autistic...then i wonder y his f on a probationary period because he is autistic???

So is my son autistic or not?????If he he is not..then what is he?

a lil disappointed!!

F has not been feeling well for almost a week now.Cold and cough.We are very selective in giving him any med for his ailments since F in our opinion seems to regress if given the wrong meds.

We took him to the doctors a coupl of days a go..F pediatrician from the day he was born...the fool WHO UP TO A CERTAIN PERIOD IN TIME DENIED THE FACT THAT F HAD AUTISM. ...if it was not for Y i would never set foot in his office.

F is usually uncomfortable in the doc's office.This time though he didn't cry as much.He only started to cry when Y inserted the thermometer in is armpit...this ritual is suppose to be handled by the doc..but he didn';t want to do it..instead attended to a call..Once the thermometer went off,f quickly set up...i n the doc immediately started to write the prescription...(on what basis was he writing the prescription..f did have a temperature)i asked him to check his mouth.. to that he answered..he wanted to but since f was violent...VIOLENT??????.F was not violent..he was not biting..hitting..he NEVER has,masyallah..and he would have never done it to him.F was crying and a little uneasy...Finally he checked his mouth,that too he refused to hold him directly,told Y to hold him .AND THIS FELLA HAS BEEN GIVEN A DEGREE IN PEDIATRICS..TO HANDLE CHILDREN?????

I honestly felt hurt..my poor baby being ostracized for autism and that too from a doctor who should be the most compassionate of all.This is not the first time that it has happened..Sometimes i feel people get autism wrongly.People out here relate autism to a violent mental disease .It;s these things that worries me bout F future..i hope by then f will be ok..pls Allah help my son,when i am not around.

An interesting conversation with Faheem

Momma;Faheem mau kemana?(where do u want to go?)

F;mau ke rumah nana(want to go to nana's house)

M;Mau lakukan apa di situ?(what do u want to do there?)

F; Faheem mau lakukan nonton tv di situ(want to watch tv there)

M;tapi tvnya rusak!!!(the tv is spoilt there)

F;panggil abang listrik(call the electrcian)

M;tapi naggak ada abang listrik((there are no electricians today)

F;(annoyed)nonton CD aja(watch CD then)

M;rusak juga(spoilt too)

F(very annoyed) main computer aja(play computer then)

M;nggak ah...capai(no i am tired...not playing)

F is crying already by then so annoyed by my trickery....smile.But for me it is a conversation to remember:))))))).

terribly toothy smile.....

FAheem and me..looking at....lord knows...

Faheem turned 3 on the 25th of this month.

Can't believe how time flies...Faheem is longer a baby at the age of three...but he is for me..he will always be a baby for me,even when he turns 60 and i am still around..

I remember the day he was born..like it was yesterday..i remember the day before he was born only to well...as i was so angry with the doctor for not taking heed of my complaints when my water broke.It was the first fast ,during the ramadhan,and he did't want to attend to me.I was in the hospital bed tossing, praying and hoping that my baby was ok in there...i remember feeling sorry for my mum,coz she waited then patiently and didn't sleep a wink.Then the next morning i remember shouting at my doctor who was unwilling to do an ultrasound to see if Faheem was ok,and when he finally did,(thank God),he saw there was hardly any water left....i don't want to remember that day..but i do...It was the grace of ALLAH that your child is alive said one of the doctors...yes ...i said..it is

As time passed,Faheem grew up to be such a cute fat baby...but the crying...it just won't stop.When he use to cry for God knows what ever reason..i use to cry along with him...because i was always rendered helpless.Through the years,i noticed that there was something different in my son.He wouln't smile as much,he developed his rough motor skills later than normal.Everyone..even the doctor blamed it on the weight...faheem was such a fat baby.oh well i thought ,if the doctors and the old ones say so...then i suppose it should be ok.Then there was the flapping..seemed so odd but cute at the same time...little did i know.....

When the diagnosis came in ...i suddenly felt that this is not my Faheem anymore....i jst suddenly couldn't believe that my son had Autism.I felt that my beautiful lil angel had been taken way from me.i use to be afraid to even look at him let alone deal with the problem.Who was this child sleeping next to me.I use to cry every night,and wonder what I did to deserve this?Y me?????????Why didn't i not see it coming?I couldn't think.I felt like abandoning life .....I had fallen into deep depression at that time...all that time feeling guilty for thinking this way.Suddenly all the plans i had made for the future as a family was destroyed.

These thought went on for more then a month.During that time,an uncle of mine gave me number a his friend..whose son had autism and doing well.I thank God to this day that i did give him a call.An hours coversation with him made me see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

My friend..and truely is my friend Haryanto,told me how natural it was to be depressed..his wife and him felt the same way...but he realized if he didn't take matters in his own hands ,his son will never improve,So he gave up his job and decided to take care of him...be his son's therapists,father,friend..anything his son wanted him to be.....now his son is 7 yrs old ..and thriving.He is going to a mainstream school."My son is ok..n yours will be fine too...u just need to understand him..and explain things to him more ..more than u would to normal children,tell him why its not good to head bang,tell him why he shouldn't put his hand in the fire..make him feel it...give your son a new experience everytime..."he said"u think that he doesn't understand..but he does..he is taking it all in....then leave everything else to God...do your homework...and let Him handle the rest"

Suddenly ,my perspective changed...that one phone call changed everything..i can do this. i thought to myself...do your homework and leave everything to God...i can do this..i enrolled Faheem in therapy,hiking horseriding,swimming...u name it...did floortime at home,did ABA,SI..speech,..i was running on a sprinter race and getting exhausted...and so was my poor Faheem as he lost more weight ,and looked ever so forlorn ..No ,i was not doing things right....I realized,painfully, i just cannot cure Faheem from autism ...there is not cure...it not a disease which has any medicines for it...It is what he is...and i just have to take him like he is...

Now...Faheem and me are pretty much on a marathon race.i running at Faheem pace....at the moment...and the results are showing,from pointing,laughing,and just enjoying himself with his loved ones..we still do all the therapies but i have slowed down in many ways..i don't involve to many activities in one day...floortime is on going of course.....Honestly ,there are times when i wish he was more NT...but like i said ..i should except him for the way he is...but can the world except him......what will happen to him when one fine day his loved ones are not around to look after him..will he be able to take care of himself?????the future haunts me,,,,,i was asked my father about having a trust fund for the disabled..and my father laughed...."not now worry puss...keep your silly thought at bay".Faheem will come out of this,have faith"....yes i have to.

Faheem and i had a lovely time today.It has been three weeks since our first hike,aftr the fasting month.

The hike was accidental, of course.The family was invited to pre-wedding party,which was pretty much unattended by the both of since.Faheem decided to go for a hike .So ther i went with my high heels and party clothes.Its a good thing i picked up running in my heels in my uni days,when i use to ALWAYS be late for my classes..lol.Still i had to keep up with him.We passed high terrains,river...the view was breathtaking,we both enjoyed it,while(u wouldn't believe)singing andrea bocelli..and insisted i keep singing the tunes to his songs.We returned to the party exhausted.Of course by that time everything was over.I told the other kids to settle down with him while we played together with origami paper.He didn't cry aTHIS time with children around him .Yippppeeeeeeeeee!!!!.He was at ease.Later on i told him to give sweets to everyone which he right fully did.I am so proud of him today.;))))))))))).

What a n eventful month.Faheem has already turned 2.10yrs.There have been alot of drastic changes.

Over a year ago ,as Faheem had just been introduced to the early intervention program,we has taken him swimming .Its one of the recommended therapies.Well,as we had guessed at the time...instan screaming and crying.Finally ,we tried a different approach.We' d show him the swimming pool everytime we got the chance.One fine day,he say his cousin Adnan in the pool and he was sold.He jumped in unannounced(alittle scary)with shoes,and clothes and he was laughing way.Now he even wants to enter the pool by way of a slide...Maasyallah!!!Well at least he has begun to enjoy something else other than his motorcycles.

Another surprising fact,Faheem has begun to enjoy going to play areas which he use to hate before.But with one condition...his dad has to join him and there is no compromise.I can't say he is playing like the other kids in there as his chooses to bring his motor cycle as his security blanket and does care for the other children around him to much.I am just glad he wants to enter inside willingly and truely enjoys going in on almost all the playthings.

I was especially happy when his behavior therapist told me how surprised she was when she 'discovered' how much she knew.The speech therapist said that his 2 way communication quickly being established....Pls God let it improve more and more.

Along with the good news there is always some amount of bad news.Faheems stimming has once again increased...i read in one of the books this happens when he is introduced to more emotions and is trying to deal with it...which is a good thing.I wiah i can help him.He has still not learned to espress his emotions well.He does cry when his dad goes or his loved one,and is very pleased when his loved on returns(these abilities he lost a year ago and are thankfully back and HERE TO STAY).but there are new emotions that are difficult for him .Like the other day i brought him to a relatives place(which Faheem loves by the way since he has such a big backyard with farm animals).I think he has come to like my uncle's two little boys ages 7 and 9.For one they loads of toys..Though he did particularly respond to them,but he chose to play close to them afterwards...then he began to call out their names..but started stimming afterwards.I feel this is the new thing tht he can't seem to handle.Have to do something about this..how do i help him here?

Meanwhile,My mother is not doing to well.She has been diagnosed with discoid lupus which attacks the skin.My poor mum.The meds are real strong ones.She has helped me so much in handling Faheem.Now i want to help her as much as i can.I love u mum.Be strong...i am here for u..all your children are.

I jst had to add in something today.Faheem has been going through alot of changes particularly this week. There are so many stereotypic actions that he is introducing ...oh God i'm worried and on the edge here.I didn't think that at this point in time his stimming will persist ,but will reduce!!!!!!!!He is getting older..shouldn't his understanding become better????????

For instance,today,i took Faheem to jogger's park...Faheem looked liked he was goin to get a nervous breakdown.He was stimming through the walk.But the odd thing was he was so eager to climd on the slides...ON HIS OWN.That was something to smile about.Although once he climbed up the steps on the slide(on his own) he sat there stimming...i wonder y.Was it the crowd of children that was bothering him,or the fact that i was not beside him...i wonder.I thought after he climbed once that was the end of it.But he wanted to climb again and for 5 more times.'Mau naik lagi' he said.Then i accompanied him up the slide.this i think comforted him.He was clinging on to me real tight but was happy that i was there.After a couple of times on the slide he was ready to make a go on the hilly places that too while clapping and shaking his head from side to side which he has never done.I am glad he was not gritting his teeth though....Capai deh.Pls Allah make this not a regression for Faheem and give me the patience to plod on in the quest to make Faheem understand the world better...more in our way then his.

But the day was not all bad...Faheem has begun to have interest in playing with balls..provided its been played interestingly.I put a large basket down the stairs and gave him balls of all sizes to throw in the basket.His throws were real strong and managed to get quite a few balls in the basket...alhamdullilah.I hope this game though a little silly will help him progress towards something.And he managed to put a few rings in the stick..i had to tell him that its for the antenna of my toy truck ..that did the trick...it was such a tedious job for him ,but he managed.

After i see Faheem the way he is,i feel that i am on a very long roller coaster ride,where i scream and shout once its making a turn upside down.If this how i feel what is my little delicate angel feeling..anguish to the maximum over little things,why is he reacting this way ?always so high strung?I read somewhere tht children do take the traits of the parents...may be he is emotional and high strung like me,but i let it out almost to easily,y can't Faheem?

Faheem is 2.9yrs old...very close to his 3rd birthday.I feel i reached a certain deadline...the end of the golden age for children.Its very important for children like faheem cause that is when u can say is character building time for him.faheem has progressed little through the month.I hv gone to 2 doctors but they hv seem sizable progress in him.OF COURSE THEY HAVE SEEN CHANGES SINCE THEY HAVE SEEN HIM AFTER 6 N 4 MTHS.In this picture he is 2.6 yrs old,with his therapist in Anakku.He is quite friendly with her now.Infact ,alhamdullilah,,Faheem is cooperating with the therapists now.

As for the stimming..it continues to persists.I did the faeces test but i couldn't get much from it.The doc said his fces hasve to be cultured ,only then we can get the right result as to what is causing all his stomach problems.Maybe the two things are connected...lets just c.His emotions too are such a big problem.When he emotional about something he would start his stimming,especially when he is tired or angry..i will try to floortime this as much as possible.

On a happier note,Faheem is learnt to enjoy the company of his uncles,when they tickle him he laughs with glee...and invites them for some more,the only thing left is he lacks the ability to converse due to his minimal vocabulary.I am trying my best to work on it.Nevertheless this shows my son is eager to make friends in his own way...i hope it progresses soon.How i long to see Faheem 'adapting to normalcy' .I have to believe it can happen.

school?

Faheem a month older today.Its very important for me to note this as i usually keep track what Faheem has accomplished within a month.He has already started toilet training,which is quite a relief,but many a time he does tell me he has to go once he is already over and done with.He help me clean by bringing a couple of tissue paper and wiping it off.I never ever thought he would do such a thing,I hope he keeps improving.

the last two weeks have been bad for Faheem.He started stimming so vigorously..and the look in his eyes.I went crazy...i just couldn't crying.What had happened...EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO WELLHe didn't even want to be hugged by me.The therapists said he was acting out and 'defining himself as an individual'.Well,she told me to bring him for long walks in different lanes and engage himcontinuosly with different things everyday...and the television has to be off...PERIOD.It really makes faheem zombie like.

I did what ever the therapists told me respectively and the stimming has reduced sizeably.But i have to still work on his attention span.

Another friend of mine told me that faheem needed his faeces to be checked..children like faheem do have what they call a leaky gut.So that does make sense...will be doing that soon.

Some times i feel that i am not doing enough for Faheem.When i see other parents in my situation and even worse conditions work so hard in 'reviving' their children back into our world,i suddenly feel my efforts are so miniscule.God pls give me strength to be strong and work hard for my one and only.

Meanwhile the therapist says its time to put faheem in a school,since Faheem looks like he needs a change in enviroment and he does look like he wants to get to know children his age.After being rejected a couple of times,i lack the confidence..i know i shouldn't..but i do.I was always the one to suggest to people with children to put their children in school as soon as a year old...and i myself didn't follow my own advise.I think i should jst keep quiet now,when it comes to educating children.Whatever the odds were i brought faheem to a free daycare,and he sat there quite peacefully with me and shook hands with everyone i told him to AND made good eye contact(smile).But today he was not that eager.The daycare is in the mall...n there is too much of distraction.Nevertheless i will try again..when he is good and comfortable i will take him to sekolah bonnas which located as near to the daycare.Lets see.

progress

Faheem is 2yrs 7mths old.Things are progressing,alhamdullilah.Faheem can form sentences and take quite a few instructions.The therapists say that he is close to acting like a 2yr old.The floortime really works.I bought all the lotto cards needed for the behavior therapy.I do it with him at home.He refuses to do any of them,but after a certain amount of persuasion,he is willing and finishes his work so quickly.

I believe now i can say that i can connect with faheem very well. There are many things that we both like together such as music and even food.I just love the way he laughes and brings his motorcycles to the bathroom to give them a bath....And when it time to go,he obediently gives it to the maid to keep his toys..."titi(titip)nene oni"He jst makes me laugh.There's one thing i can get his interest off are motorcycles...he knows all the brands and the works.When will that stop,I wonder

Of course there are days where faheem is not faheem...as if autism comes to attack with a vengeance...like going to people's houses for instance.He was kicking and screaming begging me not to enter.I was so nervous because it has become more and more difficult nowadays to settle him down.He is so strong and tough.All that walking is doing him good.He still won't play in all the children rides.On the other hand,he is beginning to like some new things.We were in the joggers park the other day,and we went to the swings and such.The other kids were playing with the see-saw,and that was it,my son was sold.He immediately sat on it,with Adnan on the other side and had a blast.Just imagine,he tried out a new thing and was not afraid.

My Blog's

My blog which was initially dedicated to art is now dedicated to my son's progress.But i 'm sure in time i will start some of my hobbies.I intend to teach paper quilling to Faheem when he grows older...i think paper quilling really tests a persons patience and dexterity.

Today Faheem did something very interesting...We were in the car ,and a beggar lady came with a baby.Faheem immediately tried to open my bag,i wondered why,he kept looking at the beggar and it clicked he wanted to give the lady some money.I asked him "do u want to give money to the beggar?"And he pointed out to to the baby she was carrying and said 'baby'.I took out some money and immediately he gave the money.It made me so proud...i hope i read him correctly(smile)

Meanwhile the battle with Adnan(his cousin)still persists.The therapist said its a good thing.He is connecting...i allow it.In the shop ,there is koko who always snatches his toys,and faheem immediately tries to snatch it back and runs after him

I hear more words coming out to..alhamdullilah.Pls Allah make him better soon...Amiiiiin

ALHAMDULLILAH

Alhamdullilah...faheem can point so well now.I hv been waiting soo long for this..So many words are coming out.Bbaby,nenek,kai,mamu,chachu,...and he can say mama...finally.He loves to ply in side the blanket with me and his dad.The therapist says that his facial expressions are wonderful,but the crying sessions hv not seized unfortunately.The floortime has worked alittle,i press on it some more.The other i asked what is the lady in the picture doing ...he rightfully said..bobo(that really tickled me).hE pointed to the book store and said book,book which such glee.And the way he studies the picture in the money note....is hilarious.When chachu asked him who is the man in the pic he answered 'daddy'.TodaY while drinking milk his kai coughed,he immediately started to cough n said kai...Faheem i can't wait for u to talk to me ....i love dear.

gETTing better

Faheem is out of the cold>>>i am so bummed out right now.I am so confused on how to deal with my baby>I know i hv to take it easy,but i want him to become better.I can more words now....but the rest is jst baby language.For the past 2 weeks he is eagerly showing me things ...the other day he was showing me the puzzle that he was trying to fix(smile).but on a sad note,faheem is still crying in his therapies.......this is worrying me so much,n now he is more attached to me then ever.He would almost not go to any one...even his father,maybe because his father has withdrawn from the pic...he has so much going on for him.Its ok...he will always have me.Maybe i should move to my parents house....Maybe i will get the support that i need.

Sometimes i feel faheem n i are two lonely people...no wonder faheem sometimes slips into his own world...i do it too,in my hobbies,in my thoughts.I will try to expose Faheem to as many things as i can,n to learn to handle stress well...because thats his problem...and hopefully he will be able to talk and live like a normal person.I have to be there for my angel.

well...faheem not been feeling too good

aduuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!My poor faheem has not been feeling too well lately.I think i over worked him...taking him to  too many places ,thats me..always enforcing n not giving him a time of day to relax.I just thought that since his supplements were doing wonders for his stamina ..he could cope.I guess i keep forgetting he is just 2.A new word was introduced today...dada and bye bye.He uses it so well especially if he wants to get rid of his therapists.Today i could have sworn i heard him say Dibo a couple of time.He led me downstairs to switch on the tv afterthat.I don't think it was rexflex speech.It has put a smile on my face,since today was not such a gd day to begin with.I took Faheem to Anakku today jst to play...turns out his friend who has pdd nos has started to speak so many words effortlessly ...but i have to be hopefull.i hv bought a book regarding floortime.It cost a fortune .I have to try to implement it on Faheem.

wENT TO moNaS FOR HIKING

It was a fairly good day to day..I took Faheem out to Monas,it was late in the afternoon..but better late than never.I allowe him to take me where HE wanted this time.But i managed to play hide and seek..poor baby fell down,but it was on wet mud.He got all dirty,but was fine after that.I think the trip went ok.

It really built up his appetite.By the time he got home,he was ready to eat what ever i offered him,of course he had to eat while reading all the logos in the newspaper and scribbling on them.While scribbling mum in law was secretly annoyed because his scribbling moved on to the table...hehehe.He was so into having his kebabs on satay sticks,eager to have some more.

right after that had his supplements and went straight up stairs to our room to play with rice and fix his puzzles.It was the first time he was able to tell me where the the puzzles were placed...i was so (n still am) so happy.Because of that i allowed him to mess up the whole bed with rice.

He was so energized today i took him horse riding as well.Of he had to cry first but then he was riding like an equestrian...alright equestrian in the making(years of training to go) .All this from a trip to monas????????i should bring him more often then.

I hope the therapy in anakku goes well tomorrow..i think i will bring his bowl of rice for the other kids to play as well.

long time....

long time..

been a long time since i hv added anything in this blog...been so busy

my son wa diagnosed with pdd-nos...a type of autism few months before he turned two.It broke my heart into pieces......I use to cry everyday wondering why?I just couldn't accept it.My Faheem seemed so smart.I thought he was jst a timid child....turned out it is something more.Now at 29 months he is showing improvements...Now my questions are how to help him.He is going to all the theapies ..horse riding,hiking,Sensory Integration,Occupation and speech.I want to do Floortime with him..but i have to just learn how to.His diet his special CFGF free.My POOR BABY..His eagerness to try new food is so immense,but i try my best to compensate..now he wants to eat everything on satay sticks..hmm..am going to do just that.